Perfection is Overrated
PERFECTION IS OVERRATED
From the time I can remember, I have been what I call a “perfectionist”. I can remember in elementary school working tirelessly to get the coveted ART award. Have you seen me draw? I am NOT an artist. Never have been. Even making a stick figure is a challenge for me. But I wanted that ART award, I got several. And my scrapbook that my grandmother lovingly put together proves it. But guess what! I’m still not an artist. I bet if I talked to little, elementary Nikki, she would say, ”STOP trying to be perfect. Perfection is OVERRATED!”
Fast forward to high school. The perfection beast reared its ugly head. From practicing endlessly on the clarinet, to perfecting my cheer for tryouts, I was always working for perfection. I don't really know why. My parents didn’t expect that of me. They never pressured me for grades, awards, or anything. They only asked that I do my best. I strived to do more than my best. So for high school, there it was. Makeup is just perfect. Hair done just right. Perfect dress for prom. Perfect grades for college and so on, and so on, and so on.
Now, you would think that I would have put that gauntlet down. It’s so completely exhausting. I knew that, but threw caution to the wind and just kept working for perfection. I know. I know. You’re smarter than me, you know perfection is not even possible. It’s just not. There’s only one perfect person that has ever existed and that is JESUS. No one will ever be perfect again. And although he is perfect, He never expects perfection from us. EVER. But I digress.
Adulthood arrived and here I was again. House completely clean and everything in its place. Perfect kids. Perfect dog. Perfect husband. No room for challenges or anything that doesn’t meet my criteria of “perfect”. Honestly, it was exhausting. I had long ago renewed my faith in Jesus and should have put the “perfection” gauntlet down, but did I. NOPE! NOPE and NOPE! I bugged the crap out of myself. Bugged the crap out of my husband, who patiently loved me anyway, and bugged the ever loving crap out of my kids. My mantra: We need perfection around here and nothing else will do. How sad I am as I write these words. But it is true. What a waste of time.
I distinctly remember being in Brooke’s room one day. She was in middle school and I had arrived in her room to put something away. Wait! Is that something out of place? I remember thinking to myself, “I am going to get her for this.” And then I heard it. The distinct voice of the Lord. There are not many times that I have distinctly heard the Lord’s voice, but I heard it then. It went something like this, “Don’t say a word to her. She is a great kid. You are to let this go.” And I actually listened. I know. I know. If you know me, I might be described as hard-headed. Haha, hard to believe, but from that moment on, I saw it. The ungodly, exhausting, deceptive, and destructive road that “pursuing perfection” truly is.
Now, believe me, I didn’t get everything right from that moment on, but I began to change. I wish I had changed earlier, but I just didn’t.
So, why do I share this with you? Here’s why: PUT DOWN THE GAUNTLET OF PERFECTION! Pursuing perfection is exhausting. It’s life draining instead of life giving and you will have wasted precious life moments chasing something that is ugly, deceptive, and simply not real.
The only REAL PERFECTION in life is our sweet Jesus and the perfect plan that God created to bring us back to him through his son. THAT’S IT! The others all masquerade as perfection and they simply are not. There is no perfect person. No perfect match. No perfect life, outfit, vacation, home, career, child, or spouse. We are all simply human beings, flawed and in need of a perfect savior.
So, how do you put down the GAUNTLET OF PERFECTION?
Let’s chat.
1. PURSUIT OF PERFECTION LEADS TO MISERY
Let’s default and remember - there has only been one perfect person ever. EVER! Yes. Jesus. So for us to believe that we can achieve perfection is just, well, a fantasy. Let’s discuss.
There’s a very distinct memory in this for me. One that I am not proud of at all.
Let me grab a side note here:
To all the firstborns in families out there, let me say a heartfelt and collective - “WE ARE SORRY!” You were the learning tool for us and boy did we get it wrong a bit. Well, speaking for myself, at least. Let me share.
Brooke was turning six and we hosted a birthday party at our house. It was so fun and all the little kiddos had come. We partied, ate cake, opened gifts, and headed outside to take turns on the swings and slide. Brooke was the birthday girl. She should have been the Queen of her party. She should have been. But there is a distinct moment that I remember.
I pulled Brooked aside and asked her, “why are you being so selfish?” Huh? I guarantee she looked at me like, “What are you even talking about?” I yelled and I’m sure made her feel horrible. Why did I yell? Why did I pull her aside? You ready - the Pursuit of Perfection. I wanted “the perfect kid” sharing the “perfect” amount of time on a swing. The “perfect” party where everyone would walk away saying, “that was the best party ever”. And so on and so on. That’s what I was pursuing. PERFECTION.
I know. It sounds so shallow. It really was. I wish I had learned from that day, but this hard-headed girl would take much longer to figure it out, but thank God I finally got there.
Trust me when I say, STOP PURSUING PERFECTION NOW! It’s simply not worth the misery that comes from pursuing perfection. It’s simply not worth the misery of hurting the people around you, especially the ones you love.
Pursuing perfection most often brings misery because you are chasing something not real. Not possible. Not life giving. The things in life that are worth pursuing are the ones that give life, bring happiness, sprinkle kindness, and share goodness. Put down the gauntlet of pursuing perfection. Trust me, you will be so glad you did.
2. PRACTICE THESE WORDS - “LET IT GO”
Like Elsa sings in Frozen, “Let it go, Let it go, turn away and slam the door” SLAM THE DOOR ON PURSUING PERFECTION. No truer words spoken or well sung. LOL.
Sometimes in our quest for perfection, we just hold onto things or redo the same non-productive thing, habit, lifestyle over and over. Don’t do this. LET IT GO! When things come up or go a different way, learn to Let it Go. There is no way in life to control everything. Did you hear that? You CANNOT control everything. I would beg to even say that there is no way to control most things. Yes. You should work on doing things the right, appropriate way, but then Let it Go. The outcome will be what it will be. Stop asking yourself to be perfect and the people around you as well. It’s just not possible.
And, you will give yourself the greatest gift if you learn this lesson early in life. Don’t be like me and have carried the gauntlet into her forties before finally calling, “uncle, uncle” and laying it down. The pursuit of perfection hurt me, hurt my people, and, honestly, caused challenges that did not need to arise. Let it go. Put it down and live a much more fulfilled life.
3. PERFECTION IS OVERRATED
What does overrated mean exactly? It means “having a higher opinion of something than is actually deserved”. Did you catch that? “Than is actually deserved.” That should be a clue immediately. Why do we spend precious time and effort pursuing something that is not even well deserved? I know. I spent way too many years pursuing perfection. Way too many! It was a waste of time, effort, and tears. If I could change the past, I would have told my younger self, “STOP pursuing perfection!” I would give her the glimpse ahead that pursuing perfection is pointless, destructive, and draining. Learn from me and learn it early. STOP PURSUING PERFECTION. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Now, what should we pursue instead? For me, I think these are worth a look.
PURSUE JESUS
Pursue Jesus. Why? Remember, Jesus is the only perfect person ever! He is worth pursuing because he gives you grace, and love, and kindness, and goodness, and patience always. All the things that we all need pretty much daily, he lovingly bestows upon us.
Jesus also loves us and pursues us even in our flawed selves. It’s just lovely to think about. It warms my heart to know that I don’t have to be perfect. God loves me anyway and pursues me anyway.. He loves to hear my voice. He loves to shower me with love. He loves to tell me that I am his friend. I am worthy. I am loved. I am his princess. I am set apart. I am handmade by him. I am his workmanship. He calls me greatly loved. His child. Free, indeed.
He didn’t say he loves me if I am perfect. He only thinks I am worthy, if I am perfect. NO! He loves me even through my imperfections. OH how beautiful it is to know that. EMBRACE THAT FACT, FRIEND! You will be blessed and receive so much rest in putting down the gauntlet of perfection and resting in Jesus.
PURSUE PROGRESS
Perfection is not possible, trust me, but progress is. Pursue progress that allows you to love yourself, love people, and love God. Pursue progress that allows you to grow as a person. Pursue progress that opens more possibilities for you like acquiring more education, doing a hobby that blesses you or others, learning in a bible study, spending time with people who build you, or reading books that build your character. These are all worthy pursuits of progress. OR simply pursue progress in learning how to just be quiet before the Lord. Resting in that is a beautiful place to be too.
I’ve learned so much over these years. I keep telling my girls to put the gauntlet down and put it down in your early years. Perfection is not possible and it is so draining to pursue. Instead, just live in the fact that we are flawed and can’t control everything. YAY! What a glorious thing that is! Now, we can just be the person God created us to be. Flawed, not perfect, and yet able to embrace a gorgeous life given to us by our creator. Sounds like a lovely place to be.
Til next time, friend!
XO Nikki
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